Ode to the Chocolate Chessman (and post-Ode comments)

Update to the Ode...

I promptly ate two (2) 100 calorie packs, went to have my cavity filled, got lots of novacaine, went to work-out with my trainer and threw up Chocolate Chessman after about 30 minutes. I am sure it's not the Chessmen's fault - I will blame it all on the novacaine. I am so glad I made it to the bathroom and they have very loud toilet flushes at L.A. Fitness!!


How I love thee?? Let me count the ways.

If you have not tried the Chocolate Chessman 100 calorie packs...let me invite you to join me in this delectable afternoon treat. Perfect for right before you go to the dentist to have a cavity filled!

Sorry CW!

I find that I usually freak out on Sundays. I want everything and everyone to be happy and enjoy their time and worship and I tend to tense up if things don't go as planned. I had to bring Brent & Ellie and they wanted to bring friends which was great, but different and unexpected. Now I'm confessing a down side to my steller personality here so please, go easy on me.

So, today we started Sunday School which was great but I found my freaky old crabby church lady personality coming out. I wanted everything to be good and right and I freaked and didn't even make Christa a drink because I didn't want it to be "LOUD", my bestest (yes, I said it!!) friend in the world... So, for this I apologize and will make hers first every Sunday.

Then we went to church and my sister was no where to be seen - either of them! It was such a great service - the singing, the readings, everything really just was excellent and I realized that I can just relax and let things happen and everyone will be fine.

We even had a good bored meeting. It was fun and I'm getting excited for the 100th anniversary - never thought I'd be excited for that...but I am. Mark promissed pagentry...I want pagentry!

Confessions of a swearing 3rd grader

I was talking tonight with my friend whose son just started kindergarten. He is doing great even though there are adjustments to be made and learning curves to survive - he tells some wonderful stories!

It reminded me of my own issues while in elementary school. There were the scary ones about being picked last for kick ball or who my boyfriend would or wouldn't be in the 2nd grade. There was one boy who liked me all throughout elementary school. His name was Raymond. I was never very nice to him, but he persevered. He got me a little necklace one Christmas. And one day..it was pouring rain when we had to walk home and Raymond, all of about 9 or 10 gave me his umbrella to walk with and he headed home in the pouring rain. Luckily my mom came to pick me up and we went to find Raymond to give him a ride.

There are some days when I remember how much he liked me and how mean I remember being to him and my heart grieves for him and I hope he is well and I bow my head to say a prayer for him. At least someone liked me and wanted to marry me...once.

I remember an incident in third grade when I was sent to the Principal's office - Mr. Hockstetter. He was small, thin and wore a lot of Grecian formula. He had little glasses too and a hook nose which made him look like a "hawk" thus befitting his name. He also smoked a lot of menthol cigarettes. I was on the playground, upside down on the bars. I had chosen to wear a skirt that day and buck convention and go upside down on the bars anyway. Well, a boy named Mike Murray (who I know my mother will remember) came up to me and grabbed the skirt and tried to pull it up/down or whichever way so he could see my undies.

I was mortified. I ran to the playground teacher and promptly told her that Mike Murray had tried to f*#k me. Yes, I said the f-word - that glorious word that has survived generations. It was really the only word that described exactly what Mike Murray was trying to do!!

I got sent to Mr. Hockstetter's office. My mom was called and she came to retrieve me in her humiliation and shame. The pastor's wife...picking up her daughter from school for saying the F word. I don't even remember getting in trouble. My mom knew Mike Murray and realized that he would probably be in jail someday and understood my plight. Thanks mom, for being cool and hating Mike Murray too!

And Raymond...wherever you are...thanks for the necklace.

Fall Reading List

I have not given a reading list lately and since school is over this week (for the quarter) I will be grabbing some books I've wanted to read. Here is a list of what they may be:

1. Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl
A little wordy and rift with cliches, it's a good mystery about a young girl and her dad after the loss of their mother/wife.

2. Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli
"I go into churches and everyone seems to feel so good about themselves..."

3. Sin in the Second City: Madams, Ministers, Playboys, and the Battle for America's Soul by Karen Abbott.
A real life story of the Everleigh sisters and the brothel they operated in Chicago during the early 1900's. Kind of similar to Devil in the White City (GREAT BOOK!)

4. China Road: A Journey into the Future of a Rising Power by Rob Gifford.
Rob is an NPR correspondent who had an excellent series several years ago while journeying on China's route 312 - some 3000 miles stretching from Shanghai to a small town in Turkestan. Called the Old Silk Road - this book chronicles more of this amazing journey - and since I've been to Shanghai...twice, I thought it would be fun to read and I liked his stories on NPR.

5. Girl Meets God: A Memoir by Lauren Winner.
Recommended by both Jen on This Pile and my personal trainer...I thought I would give this a whirl. I did NOT like her Real Sex - as it didn't give me permission to have pre-marital sex...dangit!

6. Upside Down: A Primer for the Looking-Glass World by Eduardo Galeano
Reading this book feels like an acid trip. It has an amazing way of wrapping its ideas around your head and then leaving you to figure out how to unwrap yourself. Think of being in a maze and realizing you will come out eventually - after all you can't live in the maze. I need others to read this so we can talk about it (Bill & KL Mayhew??)

This should take you through the rainy days of fall-scary Ghost Parties and Thanksgiving turkey!

If anyone else has recommendations, please chime in!

Assistant to the Regional Manager

Yes, I am the assistant to the regional manager...that is Regional Mortgage Manager. My sister got a promotion at her illustrious job at First Tech. I am so proud of her. Jealous as well. She's always had my life...the husband, kids, carpools, great job - I don't think she's ever been arrested...pretty much had a great life. Where did I go so wrong? Anyway...

She got a big ass promo and I'm proud of her. She rocks and we're celebrating next Sunday night and I just may make Mom drink an Alabama Slammer in her honor!

Way to go Holly - you are smart and talented and way better looking. I am proud to be your sister! Can I borrow some money?

Saturday is game day

Today my dad and I went to the UW vs. Boise State football game. I thought, for a moment, that the stadium had more orange than purple, but finally the fans showed up. It was a great win for the Huskies as we have not beaten a ranked team in 11 tries! I told my dad that I sure didn't like working at UW, but I'll watch football there any day!!

However...tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for since last January. It's the start of "real" season football with the Hawks taking on the spurious Tampa Bay Bux...kind of the Raiders of the East if you will. John Gruden is a bad ass coach and they have typically had a great defense but our boys are ready. It's going to be a very good year and we have a good schedule.

And yes, faithful blog followers will have to endure the next four months as there will be at least weekly football postings. I may even start a column called "Ask the football chick" - all your football questions answered right here...right now.

Gotta go watch LSU & Va Tech..after all WE ARE THE HOKIES!

Ruff Ryders 2007

I am wholly into Fantasy Football. I don't have a lot of fantasies in my life (there's one about meeting someone while on the treadmill, and another about a closet built entirely for shoes...but I digress) but my main one right now has to be FF 2007. It will make watching all the NFL games this year so worth it because I now have a hardcore stake ($10.00) in each game my player's participate in.

Here is the breakdown:
QB's - Vince Young (Tennessee) & Matty Leinart (AZ)
RB's - L.T. (YES!!), Deuce McAlister (PHILLY), Julius Jones (DAL) & D'Angelo Williams
W.R. - Chad (bad ass) Johnson (CIN), Anquan Bolden (AZ), Braylon Edwards, Joe Juravicious

Def: Chicago Bears & Dallas Cowboys
T.E. Kellen Winslow & Vernon Davis
Kickers: (The tokens) David Akers (PHILLY) & Jason Hansen (DET)

I am so excited!

Why

Why do I do this to myself? I have 2 huge projects (drafts) due tomorrow and I have not even started. I also have to draft my Fantasy Football team on Monday, go to church, have a BBQ, etc. UGH!!

I always wait until the last minute. At least football is on to help me cope. I love how they talk (in week one!!) about Heisman candidates as well. It's so funny! I do like DeSean Jackson from Cal - he looks good. Va. Tech won today too - it's good to have football as a venue for them to come together. I got goosebumps watching the opening day ceremonies.

I will get it all done, I usually do - just have to power through. See ya on the other side.

Incentive is everything

A conversation yesterday at the Krispy Kreme after the Mariner game:

Dad: If you knew for sure that you would get a million dollars if you walked from Seattle to L.A. would you do it?
Heidi: Of course! But if you offered me $1000 to lose 100 pounds I would not do it.
Dad: Yes, because the incentive is not worth the changing of our behavior.
Heidi: This doesn't sound good.
Dad: So, why don't we change our behavior in order to ensure Dianne's wellness?
Heidi: Because we know it won't do any good?
Dad: Sad. We don't pray, fast, lay hands on...
Heidi: Because we don't believe?
Dad: What if we were guaranteed her wellness?
Heidi: We would change our behavior.

I hate waking up early because I feel convicted.

Just like Jesus

Today is my mom's birthday. I tried to think of something really witty to blog about her...but I couldn't. I think it may be partially exhaustion, partially lack of wit.

I had a good friend tell me today that there was nothing...NOTHING...(in my past or otherwise) I could do that would ever make her not love me or be my friend - and that is how I think of my mom. Believe me, I've tested this...and it's true. She makes me a better person for being with her because she loves me like Jesus. She shows me his love, in person, everyday and I believe that God puts us the lonely in families and I am SO glad he put me in mine! MOM, it was YOU who are just like Jesus...this whole time I thought it was Dad!!!

I love you mom and am so glad you were born. I hope you live as long as Granny!

We are a family...like a giant tree

I took Ellie and Brent to see Hairspray yesterday with some friends. Brent was gracious and sat through the "chick flick" but I'm sure he secretly enjoyed it. It was a cute movie and very redeeming. I had never seen it before and highly recommend it to anyone - and I don't even like musicals!!

Also, figured out that a new tire costs more than I make in a week - but someone at church handed me an envelope with money for a "new shoe for my car" it was very sweet, very welcome and made me cry. The note said "u r family" and it reminded me of another musical Dreamgirls, where they sing this amazing song about being a family, like a giant tree, stretching up to the sky...I loved that analogy and I love that the sermon yesterday was about the church being family. It was just further confirmation that SFC is doing great things for the Kingdom and I get to be there!

Bad attitude = Flat tire

I worked a special event at Mo today. While it was fun to be with Mark & Christa, I had a bad attitude about the people I was to serve. Partly because I worked 8 hours...after working all week and I have the kids and they are stressful (not bad, just added stress). It was wrong and I was wrong and as I was beating myself up on the way home, I realized that my wheel was pulling a little to the right. I thought that was odd and then even more odd, that I couldn't keep my car on the road.

I picked up the phone to call my brother-in-law to see what could be causing this and a guy drove up beside me and mouthed the words every single woman driving home alone down Interstate 5 wants to hear: "you have a flat!" DAMN.

I called my dad first, not sure why, maybe I needed to hear the buck-up speech and I also needed the Triple A phone number. I called Triple A and text messaged Adair & Kat. Just for moral support. Adair was eating and didn't answer for two hours (thanks...I could have been killed!) and Kat answered right away and was ready to send Juicy D out to rescue me. She couldn't leave, you see, as the Seahawks were beating Minnesota! (Sweet home Alabama!).

After one very nice Vietnamese gentleman stopped to help me with his broken English, Triple A arrived within 20 minutes and not even 10 minutes later, I had my full sized spare on and ready to go. I love AAA! If you don't have it...get it! It's well worth the 60/year as evidenced today!

Just remember my little story when you want to have a bad attitude. Not only do you lose jewels in heaven, you get flat tires on earth!! Lesson learned.

Domestic Diva

I have the kids starting today. They are old enough to stay home alone during the day, but not quite over night and of course, they can't drive to the trillion places they have to be each day. How my sister & bro-in-law do it...I'll never know.

I'm taking them to Red Robin tonight. But...I must confess that today at lunch I ate 5 pieces of pizza. I don't know why except it was there and I was bored. I then worked out but still...I'd still have to be at the gym to make up for that much pizza. What is my problem??

Tomorrow Brent has orientation at his new Jr. High. It's really close to my work, which somehow makes me feel better. Then Ellie has gym and then we all go to Mosaic. Ellie just got her HPV shot and her arms are sore. I can't believe she is old enough to be "one less" which is how she described the shot. Funny kid.

I am going to figure out how to cart them about without a mini van.

Juicy's in the hospital

I was going to rantblog about stupid bumper stickers and how funny I think it is when people put their picture on their blog (usually looking very contemplative), but then Kat calls and Juicy D is in the hospital! He had a bad morning and they decided to go to ER - his EKG was abnormal and his blood enzymes were abnormal - so they admitted him overnight.

I love you both and am praying for answers. This weekend, we looked at Psalm 118:6 and I think it's perfect...

Love you and everyone, let's pray together.

Nobody got punched....

I survived Family Camp 2007. Ok...ok...it was actually...fun. And yes, Hillary and I already made plans for next year. My prediction was that Phil will be home, she will be a little bit pregnant, and I will miraculously be wearing a 2K ring on my left ring finger! Dreaming..yes, maybe it was all the fresh air and dirt.

It really was a great time. I am so thankful for the TIME we got to spend together, and I didn't have to drive to Seattle to play with Lora and Will and talk to their parents, nor did I have to drive to Snoqualmie or Redmond to see Hillary and my parents. We were all there together! It was nice to walk into the great room in the morning and see my dad playing Black Belt Sudoku. I had someone to sit with, to talk to and to complain about people who are ALWAYS first in line. It was nice.

Floating the river was fun - it got a little cold at the end and watching CW tip over made me a little nervous, but Hillary saved her and they made it back to shore. It was also fun to be with Brent & Ellie - they had a great time and helped when asked and played well with others. They are such good kids.

It was also good to hear dad preach again. He told good stories, that always make me cry and make me want to know Jesus more - more than I think I do and more than anything else in my life. I want to know him and love him and dad helps me do that better.

I will also say that the food was great! We have some good cooks there and we didn't go hungry that's for sure!

We got home this afternoon and I already miss hanging out with people...maybe this is what being "in community" feels like. I don't do it well, but this once a year weekend is nice! Here's to FC 2008!

PS: Here's the story of Lobo...http://www.mainlesson.com/display.php?author=seton&book=wild&story=lobo

Don't be scared!

Bring it Baby

It's preseason-but I don't care. I have been without football for six months - and it's been a long, dry, hot and desperate six months. Today is the first of several Seahawks pre-season games - one of which I will go to with Kat & Juice.

Finally...stop reading and turn it to NBC and sing it with me....

Are you ready for some football?
A Sunday night Party??

The day of my birth

38 years ago today....geez. Who ever thought I would be this old!? I remember when I was young, calculating how old I would be when we got to the year 2000 - I thought that was so old!

My 24th birthday was probably the best...it was about 7:30 am and I had a day off from my stellar job as 7-Eleven clerk when my mom came in my room to tell me that my birthday present was about to arrive! I leaped out of bed and could barely wait to get to the hospital. Then at 2:50 pm the little red-headed boy, who would change me from merely a sister and a daughter to an aunt, was born. He was so cute and such a good baby. It is a title I proudly hold and he is an amazing boy - young man. I am so blessed.

I got to spend some time today with my mom - and she baked me a red velvet cake - just like the day Brent was born. Kathy McCrory brought me a red velvet cake to the hospital. It's kind of a tradition.

Mom and I saw Harry Potter - it was great. Then I took my cake to work at Mosaic - got a new apron from CW and family and it's so cute!! I got two compliments on it from customers. I love it!

Hillary worked with me - it was really fun - we had a band Quiet by 10, and then Adair and her husband came. I was able to share cake with all of them and even Tammy, the homeless lady who is a fixture at Mo...she asked me what day it was and wished me happy birthday. She loved the cake - ate the whole piece. Thanks mom, for letting me share my birthday with her. It meant a lot.

Tomorrow is Ajax - a great family tradition! I'm tired...it's late and I am old.

Learning to live

At my church this summer we are talking about what it means to be "the church" and no, it's not the building. Last week we talked about the church as community. We broke into groups and started talking about this subject and our task was to come up with one word...only one...that defined community. Leave it to my group to get the woman full of godly (yes small "g") wisdom. The first thing she said was "community is love!" I could not contain my disdain (surprising I know) and I said that I disagreed that community=love. I said that personally, I lived in community with people I couldn't stand and could not fathom loving...so to me, community did not equal love. This is a whole other post for another day.

She would not leave me alone. After church she talked to me again about different things. I have found myself, this week, thinking about her and praying for her. I want the Jesus that I know and love to be the same Jesus she knows. However, she is still full of shitty church talk about things being "God's will" or "knowing God is in control" and other such nonsense. Yet, still, here it is Tuesday and I'm still worried about her and praying for her and wanting her to know that Jesus is close to her and her son and their issues. I pray for God's peace and presence and that she would pray loudly for what she wants...asking God boldly to give her and her son healing, peace and the exact therapy they want. Approach boldly - like you know God will do this because he loves you! If for no other reason!

Linda, I pray for you and your son today - that God would answer your prayers exactly as you ask - not "if its his will" because I know he loves you and I want him to show you so you can leave the church-talk behind. Now, can I think of something else?

Blue Angel Madness

I love the Blue Angels. No one in my immediate family is in the military or anything, but for some reason these guys do it for me.

Today, Hillary, Brent and I went up to the SFC roof to try and watch. So chaser #6 comes by really close and I stand up and wave at him..all of a sudden he does a little woop woop and leans his wing toward us saying "hey there...thanks for waving!" Hillary cried and we all high-fived. It was amazing and I decided I will always watch them when they come to Seafair, come hell or high water.

20 things to do in August

It's August...the dog days of Summer are upon us and I have a few things I would like to do in the month of August...

1. Sit outside on my deck-enjoying my huge fuchsia hanging basket
2. Finish the Great Purge of '07
3. See my very wise and oh so cute middle sister once or twice
4. Endure Family Camp (I can do it...I can do it...)
5. Watch the Seahawks
6. Hang out with my favorite niece and nephew
7. Go to Ajax Cafe
8. Turn 38
9. Be kind to others
10. Eat CW's sloppy joes - or banana puddin'
11. Get homework done before it's due
12. Walk 10,000 steps a day (I need a pedometer that works)
13. Finally finish Harry Potter
14. See the Blue Angels and almost wet my pants
15. Watch Hokey hit a homer
16. Buy one pair of shoes
17. Remember where I was at 2:50 pm, August 10th 1993. THE BEST day of my life
18. Watch a movie with Humpy and Hillary, eating Frankies (while waiting for Phil & Ders to come home)
19. Have an intense theological discussion with my dad
20. Remember that August 28th, 1944 was one of the best days God could have bestowed upon me and I wasn't even around yet! (Happy b-day maam!)

I think I can do these things - some better than others. Any other ideas for the month of August?? What are you going to do?