Let the games begin

Well, it finally happened. What I never thought would happen has happened...I got the dreaded "email from the conservative relative concerned with my voting for Obama."

I love my cousin. He and I shared many great times together back in the day. He was there for me during a rough move to So. Cal in my senior year and made the move not so scary. He made me laugh on more than one occasion and I even paid my own way back to be at his wedding.

But today, sadly, I got sent the dreaded "I'm concerned for you" email. It was predicated on the Dobson rant and questioning of Obama's faith in his radio show. This has stirred up some ire on various forums I visit, but nothing that really concerns me. It really shows me that Dobson is misguided on his thinking and possibly should stick to psychology and not try to marry religion with it.

Anyhow, my cousin is concerned that our country is moving away from being biblically based. I countered with the fact that I never thought we were Biblically based. Most of the founding fathers were Deists or Atheists (Ben Franklin) and wanted their "right" to proclaim this. In fact, how Biblical is the statement that we "are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights." Ah...that's a negative. Jesus in fact says something more "upside down" than this in the Sermon on the Mount. I don't think us having "rights" was a big part of his motivation.

My cousin then went on to share his fear (FEAR is always a wonderful motivator) of how Obama would roll back all the "pro-life" stuff and that he would give homosexuals more favor. I am tired of these issues frankly. I think the God I serve is BIGGER than these two issues and in fact I am mandated to love the "gays and pro-choicers" and I do so happily with the understanding that Jesus loves them and died for them JUST AS MUCH as he died for me. In fact, I do not support suppressing anyone's "inalienable rights" Black, Hispanic, Muslim or Homosexual...if we have rights at all - they are for everyone.

I love my cousin and sadly time and distance have not allowed us to spend much time together in the last 20 years or so. I know how he was raised and I know theologically we would disagree on 99% of any issue. I love him though. I could care less if we agreed on issues...and I could care less if he changes his mind on any of them. I guess the bottom line is the love I have for him is greater than any political or theological difference. I hope he heard that loud and clear in my response to him.

When One applicant is ENOUGH

"Thank you for your inquiry. I can assure you that you are an applicant for the position and the Hiring Department is motivated to fill the position. They are waiting for a sufficient applicant pool before they choose applicants to interview and rest assured that I will notify you when things have reached that stage. Hope that helps!"

Direct quote from email to Green River Community College about the job they keep pushing back the deadline on...

THIS is encouraging. Please, keep praying.

The summer of my selfishness

I tried to go and rent a storage unit today. A nice concrete 5x10 to put all my worldly possessions. I don't have much...but what I have I like - it is me and my collections and somehow the thought of putting it in boxes and stuffing it away hurts my gut.

I drive to the little street where the big PUBLIC STORAGE sign looms overhead. I pulled in and lo-and-behold...there were NO parking spots. I drove around and even tried to park on the street but the huge sign said NO PARKING. So, what's a girl to do? Drive home and make fajitas and drink black cherry with VV? Of course!

Do I lack motivation? I don't think so..it's a very tough spot to be in and I resent it a little bit. I really do and I don't like to wallow. I can't even pray about it anymore. There are no answers that I want to hear. Yes, I admit...I don't want to listen to what God may be telling me and I don't want to do maybe what he's asking. I want my way and I'll stomp my foot and not find a parking place at the storage unit lot.

Welcome to the summer of my selfishness. I don't know if you'll stay long...but it's ok. I'm fine being alone.

To Write Love on Her Arms

I have not blogged in forever. It gets that way with life sometimes.

I was driving the other day and saw this bumper sticker on the back of a person's car. It said "To Write Love on Her Arms." Personally, I HATE bumper stickers. Nobody gives 2 s*#ts what you think and you really think we're going to do what you say because it's on the bumper of your car? Yeah, guess again.

Anyway, this one I noticed for whatever reason and became intrigued. While all you smarties probably already knew what this meant,I did not and usually when the Lord is trying to tell me something or suggest something he'll bring things to my attention a few times until I get it. So, bumper sticker is intrigue #1. Then, today on Facebook I see a piece of Flair that says the same thing. Intrigue #2.

I decide to google the phrase to find out what it is. What a story. I am amazed and humbled and I gave money...which I have little of.

Please google the words and read the story. THIS, my friends, is what WE ARE TO BE ABOUT.

Thank you for the bumper sticker and the Flair. I get it.

The sign says it all

The House goes up for sale next week. I'm meeting with my realtor on Wednesday to sign the paperwork. Then, I'll have to get a storage unit and start the "de-clutter" process. (See, this is what it took Jen!). I'm also having it cleaned by a professional (or 10) in order to get it really clean.

I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I don't want to move, I love my house and where I'm at. Yet I'm also excited at the possibility of making money on something - money to payoff debt I've incurred and maybe do something fun (Kauai 2009).

I'm also feeling the same way about living in community - which it looks more and more like this will be my option. Scared of unknowns and of feeling failure. Nobody needs to understand this...just know I feel it and however unrealistic the feeling is..I will own it. I'm also excited at the possibility of living purposely this way. It's a way I think, more and more, will have to be a viable option. Individualism is so last century!

I will post pictures of my house when it looks presentable. I also need a place for my cat - my mom is rejecting her and I don't want her to be around if people come looking. So, lots to think about and decisions to make.

I emailed the folks at Green River - they got my application package and they will let me know when the review process starts. I printed the email and hung it on my mirror in my bathroom. Just to remember to pray about opportunities, the future, change and all things collective.

She made me - not responsible for the content.

The Kid Sister mandated that I blog...so I guess I will give all 2.3 of my readers something to read...

I have not been to the gym in weeks - and have fallen off the "diet" wagon something fierce. I went tonight and talked to my trainer - and we worked out together. It was really nice-he went easy on me and then we started talking about the future and when our "contract" would be over...which thankfully is in June. I told him that I really liked him and how we got along and that I couldn't afford the monthly payments any longer. It was something I did stupidly, thinking I could pay and it's been HELL every month to try and come up with the money.

He then said he would continue to train me-outside the "program" and I can pay him myself - $25/session. WTH? Are you kidding me? That is like 60% less than I'm paying now! And...I can come as often or as little as I want. What freedom! It made me want to continue with my routine of not going to the gym, but only going to see him! Nah..not really...I want to get back into the grind.

I miss the bff and the time I used to have to just hang out. What happened to that?

On the job front - my friend from the Salvation Army gave me a lead...not sure I qualify as it's a big wig job...and I still have not heard from the state. One of the jobs closes tomorrow...so, I could get a call to interview. Praying for that always.

That's it for now.

My weekend at Granny's

In an attempt to earn some much needed extra money, the kid sister and I are taking care of my 100 year old granny. She is amazing...her legacy and love of her family are something I can only hope to attain. It has been very, very, hard for me to see her decline - not mentally - but physically. She used to make really good pork-chops and make us Christmas cookies every year and shop for all of her 538 grandkids Christmas presents. They were the funniest presents but they were thoughtful and EVERYONE got something. Perhaps I get my gift-giving love from her.

While she is at her home still, she can't do anything for herself. Anything. So, my loving sister and I are going to stay with her. I am going to cook and clean and the kid sister (who has nursing aspirations) is going to do the grotty stuff. This is NOT something I want to do - I want her to be my granny - not someone who is incapable of helping herself. Needless to say, I'm praying for my own heart and that I may exhibit compassion.

Interestingly, I was reading Shane Claiborne's new book Jesus for President and he eloquently has a piece on the elderly. I quote part of it here:

In its worship of all things new and hip, US culture has sacrificed its relationship with the elderly and infirm. And most of the church has done exactly the same, putting older people into nursing homes and retirement centers.

So, I will spend the weekend at my Granny's and remember how very much she loves me - she was there when I was born and probably changed a diaper or two - now I can return the favor.

Happy Mother's Day Eve

Tonight going to the Mariner game with my entire family. I hope that they will actually win tonight. It would be nice.

I'm so excited that MNAC (mommy needs a cocktail) FINALLY has Auntie shirts! Maybe she can now start Auntie's Day so I get gifts and money...or something.

I am going to order one pronto! Brown, I think. I'm excited!

Sunday Night Prayer list

Since I hate Sunday nights...my family has instituted the Family Dinner...we each pick a place and decide to meet there on Sunday nights. It usually doesn't matter if one of us is busy or working...we plan to meet and we have done it now for 2 whole weeks in a row.

Here is my weekly prayer list...
1. Work...boss...co-workers
2. Resume going to GRCC & Highline CC
3. Looking for other opportunities.
4. My mom, dad, sisters, bros-in-law and Brent & Ellie
5. My pastor, his wife (the BFF) and Will & Lo
6. My friend Kat-facing surgery on Thursday.
7. Finances - that I continue to manage well.

That is one request for each day. Looking forward to a fun week of work (not), dinner with friends, working at Mosaic and Mother's Day.

Dad weighs in

Talked to my dad tonight about Nose Pierce 2008. His initial response was to comply and "grin and bear it" because that is what he did when any sort of controversy or issue was brought up about him or because of him. He said that he did this because he had a family to support and we couldn't very well get up and leave a church as one has to be "called" in order to go to another in our denomination.

He has since thought better. He said I don't need this job...and that I need to look at the primary reason (finances) and now the secondary reason (issue w/teacher & my boss) as a "sign" (not a good word...) that perhaps it is time to look elsewhere. This made a lot of sense as financially, with the re-fi and other issues, I've not been able to make it month to month. So, a job that pays $1000/mo more would enable me to relax and perhaps refinance my home. The nose is secondary.

He also had an issue with how my boss handled the situation. And this could be the "dad" talking but he was very surprised that my boss didn't defend me - that he waffled. Then I started to think, perhaps I didn't give my boss a fair shake in the explaining of what happened. However, what I explained to friends/family is what I HEARD - PERCEIVED him to say. Today, my boss and I had a good conversation and some of the issues of yesterday were resolved and for this I'm thankful. However, his resolution is not what mine is.

I'm still praying about this and praying that the reason I leave (if I choose to) is not because of anger or bitterness. My dad also said "where are they going to find someone like you?? It would be a big mistake for them to get rid of you..."

It's wonderful to be reaffirmed by friends and family - and to be loved by them. This is whose opinion I care about and who I believe know me and love me. I'll leave you with the parting words of my dad "You go for it girl."

Thanks dad...I love you.

And then there was Thursday

I guess that I knew this day would come-just didn't really think it would be this fast. My boss received a "complaint" about the nose pierce that I currently sport. If you know me at all you know that I am pretty whimsical...I have purple hair, I have the occasional tattoo, and now a nose pierce. All of these serve to remind me that I am a broken human being in search of a fun and interesting way to live my life. They are not statements of rebellion (perceived or otherwise) and they are not meant to cause agitation.

However, I guess today the nose pierce crossed the line. A teacher at the place I am currently employed complained to her boss who then complained to my boss. So, my boss and I had the "talk" about the nose pierce and all the reasons why I was causing my "brother or sister" to have issues with me and my role at the place I am employed. So we discussed Paul's letter to Philippa in the 2nd chapter and I agreed with what my boss said - I could humble myself.

During the discussion, I was stunned, silent, cried a lot, tried to get my point across that I thought I worked for a place that was trying really hard to NOT be Pharisaical - but on this point they missed. I also wondered why my boss didn't stand up for me. Why he didn't mention that it wasn't written in the policy manual that employees are barred from any visible facial piercings (except ears) and that he really can't ask me to take it out - blah blah blah.

It was one of those moments when all of my witty banter, my intelligence and my arguments went out the window. I was faced with this complaint and possibly a person questioning my "witness" which in turn questions my spirituality. So, for all to hear...I say:

1. I believe in Jesus Christ and that he died for my sins
2. I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and my responsibility to act it out
3. I believe it is possible to love my neighbor and disagree with his/her doctrine
4. I believe that it is more important for Christians to live the gospels rather than worry about what is or isn't pierced.
5. I believe that perhaps it's my time to find another job.
6. I believe that while on one hand we say we want to do "kingdom work" we really prefer to cow tow to pharisees in order to "keep peace".
7. I believe that a nose pierce has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with my salvation.
8. I believe in the KINGDOM and not the EMPIRE, which is subtly disguised.

Anyway...I know there are strong opinions out there about my Christian witness and how I may be a role model or come in contact with folks who don't think it appropriate to have a nose piercing...and I will pray through that and pray for the one who complained. I certainly hope it's not worth quitting, but truth be told, that is how I feel right now. I'm sad, angry and don't want to show up tomorrow!

But, in the words of my very wise and loving mother (who I equate to the words of God himself) "If you believe what you say you believe you can't take the nose pierce out."

Well said mom. Well said.


***UPDATE****
I just went on the Green River CC website and there's a job opening for an academic advisor...starting salary: $46,900. Advice???

Corteo

My mom, sister and I saw Corteo last night - a Cirque du Soleil performance. If you have never seen one in person - please go. Save up all year and take the family. It's worth it and about 2.5 hours of entertainment delight!

This story is of a clown who is "living" through his funeral and all of the quirky things that happen during the course of a funeral. The best part was when Valentina floated over the audience with the help of 5 huge balloons! It was really amazing.

Home sweet apartment-or sister's spare bedroom.

I've had this sneaking thought in the back of my mind for sometime and did not want to speak it because I didn't want it to be reality - but today it's entered my reality. I've been thinking that the reason I have not cleaned up my clutter within my home is due to the fact that I continued to believe that my re-fi options were limited and I would simply have to move anyway - so what did it matter? I did not care.

Now today, sadly...that's my reality. I was denied a re-fi today-mostly because 2 years ago I assumed I "heard" the Lord asking me to take a chance and take a pay cut and join Rainier Christian Schools. This has been an amazing time for me there. They have started to see that Christian education is available to the undignified and the disenfranchised - I've seen kids from addicted families come, from single mom's working at Wal-Mart, Foster kids going through the system. I know that I've made an impact on how we see these kids and their families and so I think I made the right decision.

Until today. What was I thinking? Taking a $14K pay cut is a serious issue and certainly made itself known to me today. I don't have any more debt than I did while at the UW - but my income went down so severely that it makes a huge difference.

All of this to say - I know a nice condo for sale in Renton...cheap! It will be an interesting few months and I am sad. Decisions will be made and choices of further employment or changing or something!

I will continue to de-clutter - maybe now for different reasons! I left work today to try and talk to my dad - I need the "buck up" speech in a big way. Stay tuned.

Go and sell everything

So I've tried to explain the change I've seen in the kid sister since we went to the conference last weekend and I'm not doing very well. So, the other day she said that she was selling some "priceless" possessions she had on eBay so she could further help those in need - like buy goats, chickens, kiva loan, etc.

Now, to her, these are possessions that will probably be painful for her to give up. BUT, she's the only one in my circle that has even pondered the idea. So, last night, sitting around the table with some friends, we were talking a lot about what we could sell - and together we decided to find something that to us is a priceless possession and sell it on eBay and either pool our money to fund education or goats for someone or to give individually. What a novel concept.

The idea is to consume less - and where we have over-consumed, to de-clutter, sell and give. It seems so damn simple when I sit here and type it - yet so hard when I go and actually try to do it.

I was up at 4:00 AM this morning asking myself what I have to sell. One suggestion was some shoes - but not really thinking anyone wanted to buy my worn shoes - but who knows? Maybe they would. Then I thought of my football jerseys. I love them and they are in pristine condition - so maybe someone would buy them.

The kid sister is putting ACTION behind words. Words are worthless without action - and I'm not talking the pithy "works" to justify our grace - don't get me wrong. I'm talking about doing the stuff Jesus said to do - rich young ruler or not!

What would you sell?

Oh be careful

Ok...so I'm addicted to www.naznet.com. It's a discussion board thingee where people in the COTN can come together and spout off, discuss theology, exchange recipes, or pontificate on who they know in the COTN (Church of the Nazarene). As usual, I have people I really like and people who I never want to meet in a dark alley or at General Assembly.

Another great thing about the Internet..you know instantly if you like someone and have never even met them!

Today I was reading another blog in the blogesphere...and sadly she quoted a song that I used to sing as a child. A song that luckily (and through major theological study) I have outgrown. It's sad to me that people still think that God is looking down on them...waiting for them to f*#k up - waiting...to nail them. Friends, folks, dear people, let me just say that I do not believe in a God like that! We are all broken people in need of mercy, grace and a Savior. He is not keeping a list and checking it twice.

I know you'll remember the song...sing it with me...

"Oh be careful little eyes what you see...oh be careful little eyes what you see...for the Father up above is looking down in love...oh be careful little eyes what you see."

Crap I say...pure crap.

Any other childhood songs that spark fear and loathing?

The weekend and the rest of my life..in review.

I wanted to blog about this weekend's conference with Brian McLaren and all the great things he said and how he changed my thought process or paradigm. However...what I really want to blog about is the transformation I was able to witness in the kid sister.

She really gets it. Jesus has placed her here with me and a burden on her heart, for such a time as this...we are ready to take a chance and ready to enter into whatever...WHATEVER he has for us. Back to the days of the GLORY BUS!! I'm grateful that I was able to spend this weekend with her and with the BFF. It was eye-opening and exciting and I look forward to things to come. We will do something. We will do something. You can not sit idly by after a weekend like this.

As with any good and positive experience, it was kind of disappointing that there were not a lot of people of color there. Either they have already figured out how to be missional or there's not a great marketing plan for them. However, there were a wide range of ages and denominations represented, of which I was surprised.

Here are a few things I learned or will do:
1. We live in an unsustainable society - the United States uses more resources than anyone else by 30%.
2. We must change our story.
3. Jesus is concerned more with poverty, the planet and peace than he is with our doctrine or whether or not we drink/swear/dance (insert whatever you want here)
4. I will never use another grocery plastic bag again. Never is a strong word. But I will try!
5. I will sponsor an endangered species. Gorillas, tigers or salamanders..I will show somehow that I care about the environment.
6. You can't take the Old T. literally if you're not willing to take Matthew 5, 6 & 7 literally.
7. All issues are ultimately inter-related.
8. I will re-arrange my life to befriend a poor person (Does befriending myself count?)
9. I will vote responsibly in this election.
10. I will buy "green" toilet paper.
11. I will seek and try my very hardest to have grace for those that don't get it. You can attract more flies with honey than vinegar...I will try try try. Hard! UGH.
12. I will change my neighborhood for Christ. Somehow, someway, together...I promise.

Sorry, it's against Policy

This post is somewhat difficult for me as I am not sure which "side" I come down on - if that's even the right phraseology.

My church has several congregations that meet within the 25,000 square feet of space. These people have become friends and family and I'm so grateful to know them and share space with them. One of the congregations is Christian Missionary Alliance Vietnamese congregation. Yesterday they had a missionary speak to all of us in a great combined service.

This missionary ministers in Cambodia - to Vietnamese people immigrating to Cambodia. Now, if you had the chance to immigrate...would Cambodia be your first choice? Anyway - there's reasons, he said, that the Vietnamese come to Cambodia, although they are poorer than the Cambodians and have virtually no "rights" or freedoms as they are too poor to own property. This particular missionary started a ministry to the Vietnamese and started churches and a school.

Like any good missionary he told stories. These stories were both sad and great testimony to the Lord's good work. One such story was about a young girl who had attended this missionary school. She was about 13 and her father was ill and back in Vietnam. In order to pay for his care, the family needed to raise $400 US dollars. The mother of this young girl was faced with selling her daughter into prostitution to pay for their father's medical care. The mother visited the school in order to ask for the $400.00 and was turned away.

The school has a "policy" against loaning money to its students or their families. So...the mother sold her daughter into prostitution for $400.00. Several years later, the girl, now more of a woman - met the missionary and his family again. She was truly changed. She was no longer an innocent young girl.

I wanted to run, screaming from the building. I was furious that a stupid $400 stood in the way of this young girl's promise and potential. I understand...truly I do..the need to have "rules" and "policies" and blah blah blah. But for GOD'S SAKE...there was nothing you could do for her? Have you ever heard of Microlending? Nobody you could call? I wanted to shake this servant of God and ask him if this policy was working for him.

I want to understand the reason that a Godly organization would have said to this young girl's family "our policy overrides our ability to help you." I wonder how that conversation went. I guess I don't "get" ministry all that well. Maybe I shouldn't get involved in stuff I don't understand...but I can tell you-I would have begged, stolen and borrowed the money to help Ivy. I am sad I didn't get the chance and hope, in Jesus name, they change their policy.

Screw that...I know EXACTLY what side I come down on.

Question of the Day

There will be more about Paris later (like one week ago today I was at Disneyland Paris!) but this question has been weighing on my mind, heart, soul today. It could be the cold medicine I'm taking - not feeling too well.

Have you ever heard the Holy Spirit tell you to do something and you ignored him - perhaps thinking you mistook his prompts for indigestion, crazy talk, or your mother whispering in your ear?

Just wondering.

Today was a hard, hard day at work - not for me, but for my boss. I will blog about it soon. I call it Meltdown 2008.

Paris Diary - Part Un

I was awaiting pictures of Paris before I blogged-as the stories are so much better with pictures!

It was an awesome time with my sweet mom and super-cool sisters. My BIL was there too and he and I have a great relationship - so that was fun to hang out with him. We watched the entire season six of Family Guy while in Paris. Yes, my BIL is cool.

We got there and our luggage did not. We had to run...literally...to our connecting flight from JFK to CDG (Paris). We got in late due to time issues at JFK and circling the airport for a bit. So, needless to say, our luggage didn't quite make it.

Then we get to our apartment - and it's a five floor walk-up. That was good for the exercise. The one-person elevator was so tiny that it took me a little while to get used to the idea. Then the WC...oh my. I'm not good with measurements but it was tiny...I almost had to open the door in order for my booty to fit inside. Then my knees hit the wall in front of me. Paris is not for chubby chicks!

Thursday was spent just walking around our neighborhood. We were on the same block as a huge Basilica (picture to follow) and the bells tolled for us occasionally. Our luggage arrived that night - at about 11:00 pm. The next day was Good Friday. We walked around our surroundings - found a grocery, bakery, and other necessities. No Starbucks though. We ate lunch at a little brassiere and it was interesting. The French cafes have a simple menu - usually only about five items; duck, chicken, beef, pasta and a special of the day. It was hard to pay $30 (US) for a pasta dish but I did it and it was interesting.

On the way home from our day I popped into the Basilica - as it was Good Friday, they were having the Stations of the Cross all in French. It was interesting to share this experience with those half way across the world. The church was very stark and cold - very traditional. Friday evening, we ate Spaghetti in the apartment. My mom made it and it was really tasty! For dessert: Creme Brulee that you could buy in the dairy section of the grocery store!! What a concept!

Next, I'll blog about the chunnel, London, and falling asleep during The Lion King.

I'm sure you're breathless with anticipation!

Holy Week

I am leaving for Paris tomorrow..but wanted to at least blog about Holy Week in case I don't get the chance in France.

Jesus said several things from the cross on Friday. This culminated with his final statement, said in a loud voice as required by custom...Father into thy hands I commend my spirit."

I've heard lots of explanations on why Jesus said this and what each word means.

In truth, I really like the most simple explanation. It is part of a prayer that all
1st century Jewish mothers taught their children. It is how we think of "now I lay me down to sleep..." although way more eloquent.

Here is the prayer - in full. Jesus could only say the brief second line as he was dying. I can't even type it without crying - knowing that Jesus, dying on a cross, prayed the prayer his mother taught him as a young boy - culminates his full life and mission on earth. I love him SO much - read and memorize...and be reminded of the amazing work in the Garden, on the Cross, and from the Tomb.

"In thy hands are the souls of the living and the dead. Into thy hands I commend my spirit. Thou hast redeemed me, Oh Lord, oh God of truth.

The name of the Lord God of Israel, may Michael be on my right hand, Gabriel at my left hand, before me, Uriel, behind me Raphael, and above my head, the presence of God."